Habits are one of the hardest things to discard when you no longer want them to rule your life, but they could also be one of the easiest things to settle into, depending on their impact, whether positive or negative. For instance, I find that many negative habits are easier to form compared to positive habits, and we must have noticed this in various aspects of our lives and environments.
For example, someone who doesn’t have a habit of eating healthy and drinking the required litres of water per day tends to have more challenges navigating to the other side of an intentional routine. But somebody who decides to start stealing today will find it somewhat easier, especially because of the vain and immediate rewards it brings. After all, vices are always enticing in some way.
I’ve had my own fair share of being on both ends, and though not expected, one habit that I had in the past was being unable to apply restraint when it came to the people I loved and cared about. I’m someone who’s often lucky to form nice and desirable relationships with people but just like other relationships, mine also experiences its own challenges. I begin to notice some toxic patterns or realize that some friends no longer reciprocate my own energy simply because I don’t ask for too much from them.
The crazy part happens to be the point where I kept carrying such relationships on my back regardless of how poorly I felt. I remained kind, did my best to be present, and would always give reassurances that sounded too good to be true. Little did I know I was doing myself a disservice by constantly putting others first.
Having this habit really made me seem predictable, and people ended up using it to their advantage because they knew I’d always give them grace. I mean, they were right because I was the friend who always tried to keep the peace between myself and the people I loved, and this limited my ability to communicate my feelings properly.
Thankfully, I decided to commit to the hard journey of being a different person, one who is able to confront her feelings, set clear boundaries, and is much more vocal about the behaviours that don’t sit well with her. I threw away that old habit of giving too much grace, and I began to apply restraint in a way that preserved my resources and emotions, especially when it involved people who wouldn't go through any inconvenience for me. I now release every single thing that no longer serves me, and this has improved the quality of my life so much. I’ve become much more emotionally mature and more intentional about prioritizing myself.
It’s not been an easy journey. I’ve relapsed a lot and asked myself if any of it was ever worth it. But these days, things are really different, and it’s all because I put in the hard work. I disciplined myself around others, and I stayed patient through the hard days.
This is something a lot of people miss. They think changing habits happens overnight, but it doesn’t. It requires consistent, actionable steps that seem like small progress but eventually transform you into a whole new person. I am proof of that, and I hope that I continue to trust the process when it's time to do away with other habits that no longer appeals to me.
All images used in this post are mine.
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