"I can't relate" - these four words echoed through my head like a mantra, a shield, a confession. They slip easily when someone tells stories, experiences, feelings that are not important to me. It's not a judgement, a criticism, or an honest recognition of one's limitations. I'm thinking about saying all the conversations I felt like an outsider when I said that. People talk about their childhood memories, family traditions, their battles and victory, and I try to find similarities with me. But sometimes it's just not there.
I tried to relate to do it, but it's always forced to speak a language I don't speak fluently. I would rather acknowledge my ignorance, my lack of experience rather than the risk of being dishonest. Still, I have found a strange type of freedom in this separation. Listen to the freedom to learn without observing the weight of expectations or acceptance. I can ask questions, search for clarifications, explore the unknown without pretending to be an expert.
Perhaps "I can't relate" is not a declaration of separation, but an invitation to explore the gaps between us. Our experience confirms that our perspective is unique in that it is shaped by individual lenses. When you say "I don't know," you don't say "I don't care" or "I don't know." They say, "I want to learn more," "I want to hear you," and "I want to understand."
In a world where everyone tries to find similarities in which empathy is touted as the ultimate virtue, it's refreshing when you can't get it. If not avoided. If it is not at the same wavelength. It's okay to say "I don't know how it is" or "I've never experienced it." It's okay to acknowledge our limits and be vulnerable.
I'm thinking about my experiences so it's clear that "I can't relate" has become a mantra for me. I remember that it's okay to not know something that's not understood. It is a call to action and an invitation for more knowledge to ask further questions. And perhaps only in this room we don't know about, we will find deeper connections and true understandings. We learn to understand the differences that celebrate the different things in human experiences. And if we do that, we will see that "I can't relate" on the bridge, there are no barriers.
