It's my first time writing in this community, and I must say I'm glad of its existence. There are times when I just want to talk about random stuff or just try to get a load off my mind. A lot of recent happenings triggered me to talk about this topic.
Firstly, I am currently doing the @dbuzz LEVEL 4 Challenge using my microblogging account, @harulovesanime. It's more of a Q and A style this time and the first few questions were about relationships. It's funny because I have never been in a relationship... and mind you, I'm already 30 years old. Am I a witch now? JK
There are various reasons why I haven't been in a relationship. I had some suitors back in high school, but I am an only child... my parents were too strict that they forbade me from being in one and that I should focus on my studies. Well, I had crushes here and there... I consider them my "VITAMIN A".
One crazy experience in high school was when one of our neighbors confessed to me. I was still a third year high school student (around 15 years old) and he was a college student (around 21 years old). My mom was the one who read his message about coming over to court me and my mom lashed at him via text. I was shookt. Everyone was....
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I remember my aunt (papa's older sister) somehow reprimanded my mama about it that time. Anyway, as for me, I was just enjoying my time with my friends and crushes back then. I guess I was too immature. I believe they were just infatuation more than love and I valued my time with friends than be in a relationship.
Fast forward to a few years. I was already working my first job when I met someone virtually. He was a half German half Japanese cosplayer. He was so easy to talk with and we really clicked. We often had video calls and I somehow fell for him at some point. He was so sweet and he was the first ever person to write a poem for me.
He sent me the poem in that certain site's chatbox, so I just copied it on my notebook. lol This is already more than 10 years old. And oh, that's his picture on the bottom. I was truly fascinated by him. He was my prince and he called me his princess. I know it's cringey now that I think about it, but it was an unforgettable fairy tale. Unfortunately, we didn't have a happy ending. We never met outside the virtual world, but it was a magical experience to know him. We no longer keep in touch for various reasons, but I'll always remember the fact that I actually fell in love in the virtual world. haha
My experience with prince was the cutest, I think. However, I didn't really find someone I'm attracted to in the romantic sense for a long time until I met him... yes, him... the subject of my dbuzz challenge answers.
I was teaching in an English academy that time when one of my close students told me that she wants to introduce me to someone. It was very funny because the reason she introduced us because this guy would definitely be my type, so she was so excited.
When she introduced us, we immediately clicked... why? He was into anime and we both love Japanese music. We actually liked the same groups and the first time we talked didn't seem the first time. It was as if we've known each other for years. Even my student who introduced us was surprised because our connection was beyond her expectation.
The picture above is a stolen photo taken by my friend. We attended one of my friend's wedding together. It's one of the memories we shared while he was in here. He stayed in the Philippines for 4 months, but he was never my student. I didn't want him to take my class because I know he'd just teach me Japanese instead of me teaching him English.
We shared a lot of fun times together, especially on weekends. He'd come to our house and we'd just do nothing.. except spend time together. It's also dangerous to go out together because it's actually forbidden for just one student and one teacher to hangout. So, when we go out, we are usually with another student and another teacher.
This guy is so special for me because he made me feel the same way. We had experienced a lot of things, both good and bad. It's crazy how everyone around us though that we're in a relationship, but no... there was never a commitment for both of us. In the letter he wrote me before leaving, he expressed his feelings. He was crying when he handed me the letter and he sang me a song of goodbye. It was so dramatic that I can never forget it. lol
I must say, we were both in love... but I believe I loved him more. Or perhaps, he just didn't love me enough. I'm still glad to be able to meet him and share a lot of memories together. We still keep in touch from time to time and he did mention about coming to the Philippines to visit.
BUT
...it's crazy, he said in his message "I might already be married when I visit you in a few years." I didn't even know that he's in a relationship, so when I asked him about it, he ignored my question and changed the subject. (This happened last year.)
I don't understand him and his train of thoughts at all. I'm not expecting anything and I have given up on being in a relationship with him already. Well, I have given up on being in a relationship in general... but despite that, I am happy. I found the love which can never be taken away, and that is my love for myself. I am focusing on myself and on how to become a better me. I can't even imagine being in a relationship at all anymore.
Was I hurt? For a bit, yes... because I loved him. When I think about it now, I realize I am in love with the thought of falling in love. I am in love with my past experiences and with the memories. Will it change? Who knows? I'm not thinking deeply about it.
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I'm not afraid of not being loved back because if you love someone, you just love and don't expect anything in return. Of course, not being loved back can be painful, but in the end, it's your choice so deal with it. Am I too harsh?
I didn't regret falling in love with him, though. And I am still able to stay friends which is a good thing. I can even cheer for him if he found the person he truly wants to pour his heart into.
Have I moved on? --> I get this question a lot especially because I have never fallen in love with anyone else for the past seven years after he left. And my answer is, I don't know. Hahaha... Maybe I have or maybe I haven't? I can confidently talk about him without feeling hurt anymore, so maybe... I did. (^_^)v
