Divorce is no doubt one of those topics that once talked about immediately touches a nerve because of how traumatizing and painful it can be to those involved, regardless of if we're experiencing it ourselves or witness it from a neighbour or loved ones, one thing that's certain in all is how it always leaves behind a emotional ripple on the partners, and in a situation where children are involved, it becomes even more and in this article I'll like to address the topic of whose trauma should be considered during divorce between the partners or the children.
Taking a deep thought on the thought provoking question of if the children trauma from a broken home should be weighed against that of the wellbeing of the parents that are seeking divorce, which of these such come first, I must say that this is a quiet a difficult one to respond to because I've witnessed first hand what divorce lead to for parents, and also on several occasions so how such impact the lives of children in such situation.
As you all know I'm a teacher and work closely with children, these has helped me observe the emotional toll that happens to these kids beyond the surface, like they say when two elephants fight, it's the grass that suffers, that's the situation of children in a broken or about to be broken home, as you'll literally notices changes in them, from becoming withdraw, to acting out, or even carrying the burden in silence, or even even thinking they're the reason their parents drifted apart.
All of the instability in emotions can go on with them for years, even till their adulthood, not forgetting how it can affect their academic and other aspects of their lives, or even how they ended up having to stay with a relative or new dad or mum who maltreat them, I remember one of my students came to school with bruises all over her body and when I asked her how she came about all of those because I know her to be very respectful and gentle, she went on to tell me of how her step mum was the one who beat her for not washing the cloths of her step sister's before trying to leave for school that morning, it was painful seeing her go through all those after her parents divorce which lead to her dad remarrying, leading to her home turning to a tense atmosphere full of violence and maltreatment.
While I sympathise deeply with the situation of these children from a divorce home, I can't because of that push aside the mental wellbeing of parents, and that's why I'm not one of those who'll advise anyone to keep enduring a toxic home or an environment where they're not emotionally and mentally stable, like we all know, it takes a stable parents in those aspect to raise emotionally healthy children, and that's why I believe it staying in a toxic, unhappy or abusive marriage breaks the parent, then one way or another it'll affect the children too.
That a parent seeks peace of mind outside the four walls of that marriage doesn't mean they're selfish, instead I see it as a foundation of good parenting, because a good parent won't want his or her child to grow in such an environment, because in the end they won't be able to raise them well when they themselves are emotional and mentally unstable.
But then misunderstanding and and issues are bond to happen between two people, so regardless of if there are children between these partners or not, I think divorce shouldn't be the first thought that comes to their mind, instead effort should be put in place to make things work, from going for counselling together, communicating and compromising for the sake of the children or the love that was once between them, however, If after trying everything and things still is still going south, then walking away it is, for the opportunity to heal, grow and hopefully find a better environment for not just you but also your children, be it alone or in separate homes.
I think at the end of the divorce what can help children is if both parties are ready to co-parents In peace, if they're ready to be intentional about protecting their child mental wellbeing despite their own issues, and if they won't see time when one parent came to see the children as an opportunity to pick a fight or damage the other parents to the children, in my opinion I think what matters is finding a balance, that ensures that both the children and parents are protected and supported, it's not about who should come first, because both needs help and should be prioritised, a parent who is in a perfect state of mind tend to raise children well, than one who's drain mentally and emotionally.
All photos are taken and edited on canva.
Posted Using INLEO
