I should have used the bathroom at the slightest urge that I want to use it, now that my parents are in the bed already trying to sleep I am not inclined to really bother them just to assist me in using the toilet. A few years ago I when I was still able to walk myself to the bathroom I would simply go whatever the time of day ad night it was.
I often would take a bath during the wee hours of the morning if the weather is hot or even if I just feel like it but now I couldn't do it anymore, for one thing my body's weakness is just terrible and there isn't much improvement to it and I do not know what is the cause, my body strength just dwindled down into almost nothing, so bad that my own legs can't even support me anymore, much less walk.
Then the issue of my feet's joint is also one of lamentations, it's because they they really hurt when I even stand on them for a few minutes like when I am taking a bath. After taking a bath I will not walk but hold to the shower bar and shuffle my feet slowly unto the door where my towel hangs. That is my mobility situation so using my crutches is near impossible and even if I can I can never get to far as my knees would feel like they would dislocate not to mention the weakness in my legs.
All in all I am just disabled and that is a bitter reality that I have to accept because it is here and I am in this situation. Nothing that I could do but to suck it up and deal with it. I can deal with it for as long as I can have people around me that could support me because I needed all the support that I can get may it be emotional, spiritual, physical, etc., because I badly needed it all especially now in the final days of my life.
I do not know what I am still alive though, I had been through a lot ad my body had been battered and beaten already in all fronts and still I kept on living while most of the dialysis patients that I knew had passed so quickly, some only lasting for months.
But whatever the forces that is working on me it is not easy, it is hard with all the sense of the word, it bears on my whole soul so not even having the ability to walk anymore when sometime ago I still can is hard on my mind and emotions but I have to keep it strong for as long as I can.
