There are days I wake up feeling like I'm two unmistakable people living in one body — like I'm wearing the skin of some person I not recognize, though the veritable me is collapsed up a few put insides, calm and holding up. It's not persistently passionate. A few of the time the portion is subtle — a halt a few time as of late answering a address, a fake chuckle to fill quiet, a signal when I have to be shake my head. One parcel of me performs, the other parcel watches. It's like living on a organize where the gathering of individuals never takes off and you never get to step off and breathe.
The portion started small, I think. A small compromise here. A gulped truth there. The need to have a put, to be favored, to preserve a key remove from being seen as troublesome — all that chips truant at you over time. And a few time as of late you realize it, you've built a life that because it were fits half of you. The louder half, the less complex half. The other one — the calm, intuitively, tending to half — gets buried underneath smiles and “I'm fine.”
But she's still there. Still breathing. Still holding up for the diminutive I'll end envisioning and let her conversation.
What's wild is, undoubtedly inside the portion, there's quality. It takes quality to hold irregularity without collapsing. To still show up up, indeed when parts of you're feeling undetectable. The risk isn't in being portion — it's in ignoring that you're allowed to finished up aggregate once more. You're permitted to change, to stop being what's supportive for others, to stop contracting.
Being portion in two isn't the conclusion of the story. It's the turning point. It's the miniature you realize you'll select which frame of yourself you wish to bring forward. Not the one that's most clear to process, but the one that feels most like residential — rough, veritable, unafraid.