Blow up

in Reflections29 days ago (edited)

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Things go wrong, it's inevitable. Sometimes it happens more than once; usually it does, and we experience loss, real or perceived, which doesn't feel good. It's outside of our control sometimes but, much of the time, it's within or due to something we have done or not done willfully. Put the right things in more often and the right things will come out more often.

Blow up

I've seen many people experience a problem, adversity, perceived loss or something that went wrong and I've watched them deal with it in many ways.

Some take ownership and seek to make the appropriate changes which is a mature, valid and viable way; the right thing to do. Ownership, responsibility and effort will always work much better than doing nothing, or giving in to the most base of human behaviours and lashing out.

Some feel so wronged, entitled, lazy and blinded to a responsible way forward that they blow up. Often the blow up is aimed at others rather than their own irresponsible actions; it's easier to lay or shift blame to someone or something else. They lash-out with disparaging remarks, seek to draw like-minded others around them for support, spit vitriol and vomit rhetoric freely.

It happens all the time and with the rise of social media we see it a lot more now than we used to. Social media is a fertile a breeding ground for it, the platform I'm writing this on included.

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It's a familiar story and process.

A feeling of having been wronged. A shifting of any and all blame away from oneself. The feeling of loss and the rise of anger. And then the blow up begins. It often means a lot of words and dialogue that I hitherto refer to as vitriol and rhetoric. It often means senseless and baseless remarks that escalate exponentially and with some basic support that empowers and exacerbates the blow up even more.

It's never productive and tends to push others away rather than draw them closer; once that vitriol, the name-calling and slanderous text reaches other people's eyes and ears it usually has the reverse effect than intended even despite some initial and cursory words of support. People just don't want to be attached to those who behave as above.

It doesn't solve the issue, it usually demonstrates that any punitive actions and adjustments by others are well-placed and deserved.


There's many cases of this sort of behaviour on this platform and others and generally in the offline world. Facebook is full of people throwing verbal hand grenades at each other, some warranted. But it never ceases to amaze me that people bother to do so. What has the loss been? Some pride? A knock to the ego? A few cents here or there? And over that, a person is willing to blow up their account and mental health?

Anyway, I'm just thinking out loud. I wonder what you think.

When something goes wrong do you blame others or take ownership, responsibility and action to make adjustments, to control what you can control seeking positive ways forward? When something goes wrong do you see it as a loss or learning? (The right answer here should be learning.) Do you blame others for your actions and expect everyone else other than yourself to rectify the situation?

Let me know what your thoughts might be in the comments if you'd like.



Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp

[Original and AI free]
Image(s) in this post are my own

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We see so much of this blow up stuff on social media these days. I think a big part of that is social media is where some people go to vent. Maybe they don't have many IRL friends or don't have good personal lives?

We see this a lot on HIVE too. Some people try to blame the reward pool for people blowing up or being upset, like the rewards themselves cause people to go nuts.

I think it is mostly ego when this stuff happens. Ego is one hell of a drug and is very good at destroying people's lives. People will still live a long time usually even with a big ego, but usually people with a big ego push everyone who is close to them away.

One thing that is cool about the reward pool on HIVE is it forces people from all over the world to interact. You get to meet interesting people that are very different than you. You see how people from all walks of life handle stressful situations and how they cope with that stress.

One thing that is cool about HIVE being global is you learn good coping skills are pretty universal. Like regardless where you come from, how you treat yourself and how you treat other people is usually very similar if you have good coping skills.

Most HIVE drama is unnecessary though.... Like if people just stepped away from the computer and did their max amount of push ups they probably would not care anymore 😅

It's a hotbed for it right? Social media. I don't get why people think throwing a tantrum, adults, feel there's ever going to be a positive outcome but it seems people do, particularly on Hive. Maybe elsewhere, but I don't have any other social media so I don't know.

Ego for sure. Hubris as well, an overly high sense of self-importance...all factors in the blow up. Add in the loss of a few cents and people feel the right thing to do is to go full retard. One should never go full retard though. That's widely known. But they do. It's quite hilarious. The excuses they use, the justifications. Good for a laugh if nothing else.

It's interesting you mentioned the different cultures and walks of life interacting. There's a lot of disconnection (disconnects) for that reason which is why I don't make much attempt to be anything other than who I am, born and bred in Australia and with a lifetime of experiences that many won't understand.

So, I be me, and I let them be them. But me being me will often not be acceptable to them because they are them, not me and they don't know me or are different from me because they are them. That's not a good enough reason for me not to be me though, because when I stop being me I'm no longer the me I've spent my whole life becoming. I don't mind other people being them, that's all that they can be, but just because their them doesn't align with my me doesn't mean I won't be me when it comes to my interaction and actions with them. 😉

Coping skills is something I have in spades; I guess due to what I've done in my life, where I've been and the residual things left behind. I'd not call myself weak and tend to have a strong ability to shut off to things, especially whiny, toxic cunts who fabricate bullshit to curry favour.

Anyway, thanks for commenting, I figured you'd say much as you have.

Hubris and ego usually do go hand in hand. I see a lot people say that the reason people freak out is because of the rewards. I don't think that is true because it seems like the freakouts are about the same whether it is pennies or not. Usually it just seems like the person that freakouts is inherently hostile and naturally treats people that way.

One should never go full retard though.

Never go full retard! Maybe I should add something to that effect to my downvote comments 🤣

Keep being yourself man. I doubt we would have had such a good experience meeting each other if you were pretending to be something you are not. Fake people tend to have very boring conversations. 😅

inherently hostile and naturally treats people that way.

The same old thing across all of them.

I don't leave comments anymkre. I did in the past, including for the user in question recently which she fails to mention in many of her pity-party support-gathering vomit-dialoges. It never goes well, they never accept it; all it does is fuel their ego-fire. So I'm silent. They know what they're doing and won't admit it regardless of any commenting. The more vehemently their vitriol and reaction, the more guilt is present.

Sorry about my, me be me comment. I got on a roll and it was difficult to stop. Lol.

The same old thing across all of them.

Yea it is bizarre how consistent it is.

No need to be sorry. You be you man! 😆

😊

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 24 days ago Reveal Comment
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I'm old. I've learned the value of learning my lessons. Eventually, I learned the most important lesson: if I am not acting from a place of compassion and personal integrity, not only are things more likely to blow up, but also I will never stop regretting my actions. So be truthful and be kind, but hold firm in your honestly held beliefs. Not everyone will like you! But you will have no regrets.

I like your last sentence as it's pretty much what I work on doing. Also, the thing with integrity is that one person's version of it may not be the same as someone else's. That's when disconnections occur and blow up's are possible. the "blow up" is overrated though, rarely gets a person anywhere.

Gee thanks for that curangel support!

I have so many regrets swirling through my thoughts these days. I've accumulated a lot of them. Now I'm trying to live my life so that I don't accumulate any more.

I like the collisions that occur when integrities differ. The blow ups usually blow over. If not, you learn something that is good to know.

You're welcome.

One can always learn something valuable about the blow of another person, even if it's the lack of quality of the person doing the blow up.

Precisely, and do I really want them to be in my life.

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I'm not on social media and it took a long time for me to agree to come onto Hive.

One of the reasons is that I've heard about the reactions people have, the blow up's as you have stated, which rarely seem to be about anything that really matters and more about ego and pride, usually from people who have not even done the right thing in the first place or simply want to exercise and exert some force upon others for no reason.

I have seen some posts from someone about you and @hurtlocker, who I have never interacted with, and out of curiosity had a look then simply closed up the posts and won't go back. The behavior of some people is disgusting. I don't know the background and don't want to but I question the reaction considering it's really about such trivial matters and a blow up to seek pity. It's indicates that person feels guilty, the strenuous reaction I mean.

As you know, a group on Hive targeted me and some others because you support them and myself; clearly done to attack you. They asked me to post Hive on my social media accounts, which I do not have. It seemed nonsensical to ask of a person, they really want people to reveal their true and personal identities and that of their friends and family? Would those who attacked do the same if I asked for the social security numbers and passport as proof of who they were? I think not.

As you also know, I'll not post on here anymore for that reason. Not the attack on me and the others, the attack on you and the fact people can be so terrible here about such minor things. It's not a place I want to be and to share. So I comment now and then and that's the extent of it.

Keep being who you are; there are many here who know exactly who that is, maybe not in the offline world, but your actions here, the support you provide others, is clear to see and appreciated.

Yea that most recent downvote case was a weird one 😅. Most blow ups on here and IRL are about ego. It’s not hard for people to adjust but they don’t want to and try to prove a point by making a scene.

I think you should do what makes you happy either way. Doing anti abuse on HIVE is thankless job and scammers pull out a lot of weird tricks. The HW verification thing is strange. That’s never made a lot of sense to me. I am not a huge fan of their appeal process in discord either but I actually have mentioned that to them in the past and they were receptive to feedback.

I can understand why HW approaching you was so frustrating because you want to avoid the drama but got pulled into it anyways. To me that’s a sign that galenkp shut down some big scammers because that tends to be how they react is do something scammy (like make fake reports to HW) 😅

I did look at your most recent post and a lot of people did step up and vouch for you. That’s not super common here so you should realize you are appreciated by good people here. But that doesn’t mean you owe HIVE your posts either.

There will always be drama IRL, online, and on HIVE. The main reason I like HIVE is you cannot be censored by a government or any centralized authority. Unfortunately that comes at the cost that we have to police ourselves which is just super chaotic sometimes.

Proving a point often takes people down a path best not traveled and can end up taking them to places they'd not like to be. This may be the situation with the person in question, certainly not someone I feel is a person I'd want to have anything to do with.

I agree with your other point, the people or person who reported me and others to get at galenkp is quite obviously someone he has addressed in some way and has ended for lack of a better word. With no other recourse they've struck out at those around him in an attempt to hurt him. It backfired though and thanks in the main to those who stood up for me; something I did not take for granted.

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate your thoughtful response.

Becca 🌷

You should only post if you want to anyways. Don’t worry about the nonsense. Downvotes shouldn’t be the reason to not make content you enjoy imo.

That being said, I think posting is kind of over rated; it’s a lot of work to make “good” posts. I prefer to curate and comment myself. I mostly post to let people know what I’m up to. Having “good” consistent content is not easy. @galenkp just makes it look easy 🤣

Comments on HIVE can be a lot of fun. Just need to find the right people to engage with.

Don’t worry too much about HW, they got so much BS they deal with already I’m sure they would rather not leave so many comments but they have to be consistent or it just looks bad. They get paid through the DHF so they really can’t play favorites even if they think a report is bogus.

You are a good stakeholder by all metrics I’m aware of; I promise I don’t say that lightly. If you have feedback to HW’s process and you communicate it in a positive way they may adjust. Not a suggestion, just I’ve given HW feedback in the past and it went pretty well.

Either way, do what you want and have a good time! That’s how I like to roll anyways.

Cheers!
Hurt

You should only post if you want to anyways. Don’t worry about the nonsense. Downvotes shouldn’t be the reason to not make content you enjoy imo.

I never received downvotes that I'm aware of and they're not responsible for my not posting, however when you said you, possibly you're speaking generally and not referring specifically to me?

I don't miss posting and am happy to comment when I have the time instead. I know I'm supported here should I choose to resume posting however for now I have no intention of doing so. I would miss putting my thoughts into words and seeing them at some distance, however I do that offline anyway and that's just as good and probably preferable.

As far as my stakeholder position goes, I've not powered down, just up, or extracted anything in the years I've been here. I'm not highly rewarded and I don't post often so my holdings are modest, however I don't have a need for the rewards in my offline world so staked here is as good a place as any for it. I don't know if that makes me good or bad but if you ask my man he'd probably say he likes me somewhat balanced somewhere between the two. 🙃

Becca 🌷

Well Hive Watchers targeting you is why I thought you stopped posting. All they can do is downvote your content. Besides that not much else they can do.

Most people here only post for the rewards so HW downvoting usually gets people to adjust.

It is super uncommon for people to tell them no and stop posting lol

I think the rewards are overrated to some extent anyways. A lot of people write what they don't want for rewards and it is a bummer imo.

They actually didn't downvote me, just asked me to reveal my actual identity on the internet which I find creepy and invasive. The only downvotes I have received were from someone galenkp had attitude-adjusted previously who also thought to get at him through me. Of course, it did not work. I mean getting at him didn't work, but what worked well was the attitude-adjustment and that user found out the hard way that one will win silly prizes if one plays silly games.

So, I told them no, I'll not reveal my identity to someone who hides their own and that was that. I'd actually not reveal my identity here to anyone, other than the people who know I'm a real person. I'm disinclined to be involved in someone's little game or power struggle, I have more important things to do.

I am fairly convinced half the people who reveal their identity here just do it as a scam to seem more like a real person to get upvotes 😅

I am not sure what you would need to reveal anything for so that is a weird request in my opinion. Kudos to you for sticking up for yourself! Sorry I missed curating this comment. I am a bit behind on stuff HIVE stuff myself 😅

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Thanks for your message and kind words.

I think @hurtlocker says it well in his comment to you and I've not much to add really. He said:

"Most blow ups on here and IRL are about ego. It’s not hard for people to adjust but they don’t want to and try to prove a point by making a scene."

That individual you're talking about is still shitting all over her own account dropping post after post of the same thing thinking it's going to make a difference when all it does is show people what type of person she is. She could have simply posted as normal but nope, the ego won't let her. And now her post feed looks like shit. It's interesting to note that one of the main person interacting with her has a reputation of minus 11. Like-minded people flock together, even at the bottom of the barrel.

You were supported by many during your little situation which was not aimed at you at all as you rightly stated, it was aimed at me which is why some of the others I also support were also targeted. I understand and applaud your response, I'd have said a firm no to their request also, as would others as they commented to you. You've made a stand based on your dislike of this exact sort of social media nutbaggery and I respect that. Everyone should respect that.

Should you come back and post you'll continue to get my support. Should you not and comment only, then you'll get my support. You have some good relationships here and they value that as you do them.

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Usually if something goes wrong and it's my fault the first immediate thing I start thinking is like "how can I fix that?" and start think at least 2 ways to sort it out, because you can't just let the wrong thing stay there

If like in family it's something I say will go wrong, I don't get listened and then it goes wrong that pisses me off and I do blame because it has happened more than once and everytime I gave a warn

On Facebook really as you say people throw so much at each other it's even ridiculous, why even bother and waste so much time on that shit? Like are you winning a medal or a prize or something?

I start thinking is like "how can I fix that?"

That's called ownership and responsibility.

As for social media, it never ceases to amaze me as to the lengths people go to when they go on their rants. I mean, if someone did that to me in the real world they'd not get anywhere at all, why do they think doing it on social media would be any different?

Oh yeah, I know, because they're an entitled cunt.

You know why? Because on a social media they are not talking in your face so it's easy to be the lion and keep going with the blabla... Also I notice people (the ones I know) don't like to use the 'ignore' button (which I always do IMMEDIATELY if someone annoys) and move forward, they prefer to keep replying 😐

Oh yeah, I reckon a person would think twice before blowing up in someone's face in real life...could go badly for them.

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I think now that I'm older, I for sure take more ownership of it than I perhaps should. I find myself constantly brooding and figuring out why I messed up this or that, how to fix it. I'm not perfect, but I think as I've gotten older I for sure see my shortcomings in a lot of things. It would be good to be able to improve them, and some do, but others end up taking more time. In my younger years I didn't think of many of them as learning opportunities but these days I for sure do!

It's unfortunate when you see those things happen. I've seen people at the workplace blow up and it sucks. It isn't conducive to interpersonal relationships. Not that it isn't always unnecessary, but getting to the point of blow up isn't a good thing. Gradual release valves are what people need, myself included!

The good thing about seeing shortcomings in oneself, defined by oneself, is that they can be changed and improved if the right attitude and effort is applied.

The blow up scenario rarely has any positive effect on me, especially if the blow up is on Hive from someone blowing up over three cents. i give that what it deserves. Nothing.

Oh jeez that's pretty silly, getting their panties in a twist over that? I think the internet culture of no consequences has really deflated people's sense of what others can and will do things lol.

Yeah I agree...but with me there's always consequences. I can be rather unforgiving when it's warranted.

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We'll never really grow up unless we learn to take responsibility.
If you're in your 60's and still blaming others...?

Yeah, I don't disagree. And someone who is a fully grown adult with all of the experiences that life brings...still blaming others and avoiding responsibility? That's the definition of an asshole I think.

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When something I'm responsible for goes wrong, I know I don't have time to analyze whose fault it is that something like that happened.
The brain goes into some strange mode of finding a solution and usually finds it quickly. Is it the best, I think while implementing it and changing it on the fly (as the profession would say, agile).
Later, when the situation calms down, we analyze and talk about what could have been done differently to prevent things from going wrong.

I was a soldier on duty next to an officer, when we were throwing grenades at the training ground during a military exercise.
The officer explained to all the soldiers how to place a grenade spoon in the hand, when to pull the fuse and how, with an outstretched hand, the grenade is thrown from the shoulder (because it has a special "weight" - the one we have when we are afraid).
it is not thrown like a snowball or a baseball, with the arm bent at the elbow.
One soldier threw a grenade just like it shouldn't, not over cover, but at his own feet.
I immediately pulled him behind his back by the harness and crouched in the trench with the other soldiers, while the officer kicked the grenade into the safety channel.
We acted responsibly, even though my friend from the company made a mistake, but we had to act quickly, which saved the soldier's life and saved the officer from certain imprisonment.

The space here on Hive, as well as on other social networks, should be a training ground for fun, sharing experiences and getting to know other cultures and customs, not a training ground for throwing grenades (bad, malicious comments, etc.).

PS.
I see you changed your avatar, switched from a pistol to a hand grenade.
Great photo, a bit creepy...
And the next one, the bazooka 😀

That could have gone badly, exploding grenades are really considerate to people's needs; they just go bang and catch whomever they catch.

Yep, I changed my image for something different, change is refreshing right?

There is something cathartic about becoming completely unhinged that I think people that blow up routinely kind of get addicted to.

do you blame others

Is anyone that answers this ever going to actually admit to that XD

So many unhinged idiots out there; I don't give them any time, unless it's necessary and then...they don't often get what they expect they'll get.

I think tend to do a little bit of both. I work in a business where a lot of time I rely on other people to do their job right and many times unfortunately, they don't. I'm never afraid to take the blame when I mess something though. I've been known to publicly call myself out via company wide emails whether it's necessary or not. I ever tell you about the time I found a decommissioned M67 Delayed Frag grenade in the grass outside an elementary school?

I think where people go wrong is that they don't take ownership silently and just within themselves. I've known many people to make an attempt at ownership buy calling themselves out publically but it turns out they did that for the pity they thought they'd get.

I'm not saying you do that, just an observation. Ownership doesn't need an audience. In your case, your broadcast emails are more likely an acknowledgement and notification of an issue I suppose.

As for the grenade...yeah, it's interesting to see people's reaction to how heavy they can be.

That is a good point. I think I mostly do it to acknowledge the fact that I am fallible. In hopes that that will be remembered in the future. I also do it to humanize myself a little more. It's not that they hold me on a pedestal or anything, but, I think sometimes they think I am this uncaring automaton or something and it's important to own up when I know I messed up and made their jobs harder.

When people stand up and own a error or situation others think more of them especially when there's other around seeking to shift blame. Ownership has a lot of benefits, especially if followed by a rethink, new plan and action.

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