A few days ago as I saw what had become to my backbone it also gave me the fear and worry that my backbone would break one day leaving me paralyzed.
The cervical bone as its called, the bone in the neck area is just too crooked and gave my back an s-shaped appearance. That is why my shoulders are uneven when you look at it.
So I fear that I will get paralyzed in the future because my bones are continuing to degrade over the years and months. That will be a turning point in my life if I will not be able to use my hands anymore that my days will be counted.
I am not trying to be dreadful but just thinking about the possibility wich has a lot of chances to happen than not happening. I hope that God blesses my efforts to mange my health because it just causes me misery, worrying, and fear with the kind of orthopedic situation that I am living with right now.
I think that even though I have the money to get my backbone to get fixed they will not be able to fix it because of the state of my bones. They are all soft and brittle otherwise they will not get bent and crooked like this.
But definitely if I would get the funds that I needed I will seek some medical intervention. But my earnings right now will not cut it. My earning is just good for my daily medicines and sometimes not. So my plans for a surgical intervention is already set aside and have no clear indication that it will push through.
I am just relying on this platform for my daily earnings but even though relatively my earnings are good but it is not enough for me to achieve my exorbitant medical goals that requires really some great funding in order for those to happen.
I am just frustrated right now and at the same time sad that my plans keeps getting farther and farther away. So nothing that I could do but to pray for things to fall in line in the future but right now it is just very unclear to make my medical plans to really get a reality. God makes my fate and I am the one that tries to wait if indeed I can curve my fate to a degree that I will get comfortable or not.
I am trying not to really think about dreadful things but dread is my life, never had a happy moment but just struggles in every aspect, a mental burden too in many occasions and it is just all fight and no play.