I am now ready and primed to go for my 9:30 AM dialysis and it is still 7:22 Am at this writing and we might go and hit the road an hour and a half before my appointed scheduled time. It has been always like that because my mother is wanting to be always number one in the queue when she is going someplace.
But I do not really like it when we get so early and we have to wait for a long time particularly with my back being so uncomfortable sitting for long. Fortunately my body is a bot okay with its joints relative to the past months where it is like I have a very big vice gripping on my back but now due to my added Cinacalcet dose I can last for a bit while already.
It is very hard for me to sit in a wheelchair, every second seems to be an eternity and then another eternity trying to battle through the dialysis process again. My nurses doesn't even know how much pain that I am going through because they are not concerned. They are just sort of numb about it and that is really making me feel uncomfortable being with my nurses so when the treatment ends just can't wait to go home again.
I spent many years already being in dialysis centers, more than 18 years now, four hours every session not counting the time spent preparing and being on the road, twice a week and eight times per month. When I was just starting and we do not have any health insurance to use so I can only get six times of dialysis sessions per month, that was so very hard for me but I managed to endure that.
I never did thought of having a more serious problem than getting a once a week dialysis or the six times per month sessions because now I am getting the worst health condition one can experience plus having to mingle with people that you don't like or don't like you or both at dialysis is also a factor that I do not like going for in-center dialysis.
Anyway at least even if I would be early and would sit for a bit longer I am no longer in a miserable pain condition like before and that is for now what is important for me.
I am still dreaming that someday I could get a dialysis, that is a possibility still which is why I wanted to see the light of another day. Maybe God will allow it to happen because I had gotten this far already and there is still hope that I can perceive with my heart. Heck I will exhaust all possibilities and risk my own life if that would mean a much better wellness for me, it all all sure worth it even with my life on the line.
